Test Episode

Welcome to another episode of The HERO Show. I am your host Richard Matthews (@AKATheAlchemist), and you are listening to episode 216 with Chris Pistorius – An Individualized Marketing Care for Your Success.

Chris Pistorius is the founder of Kickstart Dental Marketing—a full-service dental marketing agency, born out of the idea that they can help dentists & orthodontists win online by providing excellent marketing strategy, creativity, and leveraging technology to get great results.

While Chris specializes in dental marketing, other medical professionals, marketers, entrepreneurs, and businesses can learn from his digital marketing experience of over 15 years. Chris has worked with countless local business owners, in all industries, across multiple facets of marketing, consulting, and coaching.

Chris has built his local digital marketing agency into one of the top marketing agencies in the country, as listed on UpCity, SEO For Growth, DesignRush, Expertise & AgencyVista.

Here’s just a taste of what we talked about today:

The Superpower of Developing the Offers & Getting Right into the Market

Chris’s superpower is the ability to connect consumers with dentists. He has a knack for understanding who their clients specifically want to reach.

One of the first things they do with a campaign is to create a new patient avatar, where they figure out exactly to whom their client’s target market is aimed. Through the years, they have gained a good track record of coming up with profiles and putting their clients’ messages in front of those demographics.

Driving Force: Bringing Truth to People

Chris’s driving force is to make sure people know the truth and would know the difference between agencies who are just looking to make a quick buck and agencies, like Kickstart, who really help a dentist grow and increase their bottom line.

Their goal is for dentists to spend more time with their families and go on more vacations. An agency should really be concerned about that and not where their credit card goes through every month.

Other Topics We Covered on the Show:

  • We get to know what Chris is known for, the people he serves in his business, and the services they provide.
  • Then, Chris shared his origin story. Seeing most dentists thoroughly confused with online marketing strategies led him to build his own marketing agency.
  • Chris shares how he transfers the alchemy skill in marketing to his team.
  • Being a perfectionist has been Chris’s fatal flaw in his business. He overcame this flaw by letting go and trusting people to handle some business processes.
  • Chris’s common enemy in his business is expectations. Most of their clients expect immediate or instant results. They fight to overcome this enemy by reminding them great marketing campaigns do not happen overnight.
  • In terms of business, Josh Nelson from Seven Figure Agency has been one of Chris’s personal heroes, including the show Entourage.
  • Lastly, Chris’s guiding principle in his business is to leave their clients better than when they found them.

Recommended Tools:

Recommended Media:

Chris mentioned the following book on the show.

The HERO Challenge

Today on the show, Chris Pistorius challenged Mark Cuban to be a guest on The HERO Show. Chris thinks Mark is a fantastic person to interview because he built his company in a very inspiring way. Mark has the grit to do whatever it takes to be successful with his business. That kind of grit is how he built his billions.

How To Stay Connected with Chris Pistorius

Want to stay connected with Chris? Please check out their social profiles below.

With that… let’s go and listen to the full episode…

Transcript

[00:00:00] Thuli Selepe: Really let’s own our power. Let’s understand that we have seeds of greatness within us, and let’s not allow other people to define us and tell us who we are. And let’s just start celebrating our wins. Whether small or big wins, let’s be our own cheerleaders. And that’s something that I struggled with, but I think once you start being your own cheerleader and you start liberating yourself as well, mentally your mind and soul as well be who we are and do us and not other people.

[00:00:37] Christy Rutherford: Welcome to Why She’s Winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self care advocacy. Christy’s clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic. Surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times. It’s possible for you too.

[00:00:57] You can have it all. If you believe you deserve it, Christy and her guests will assist you with that. Let’s get started.

[00:01:04] All right. Welcome back to Why She’s Winning. Today, we have two, just an amazing human being. Thuli was born and raised in South Africa as she spent most of her time in Soweto, which is one of the biggest townships location with diverse cultural backgrounds.

[00:01:26] And it is notable for some of the historic events, such as the June 16th uprising. Thuli relocated to the U.S as a part of her work assignment and is operating within the HR space with a multinational company. Besides her professional title of absolute rockstar Thuli is a mother, daughter, grandmother, and sister.

[00:01:47] And she’s passionate about life traveling, family oriented and impacting those people around her. And in general, spreading her love and light. She strongly believes in transferring and imparting knowledge and kindness is one of her greatest virtues. Welcome to Thuli.

[00:02:03] Thuli Selepe: Thank you. Thank you.

[00:02:05] Christy Rutherford: So I wanna go to. What made you? Okay, how am I say this? What was one of the things that happened that made you decide you needed to change and do something different? So what drove you to want to work with me and to be coached?

[00:02:25] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. And that’s a great question Christy and I think one of the things that I had that drove me really to seek your support in terms of coaching was around.

[00:02:36] I could see that I was sort of losing myself because sometimes what would happen, you know, in our lives, when we encounter some of the events, you encounter some of the events that may shake your core foundation and you end up like, losing who you are as an individual and you start developing other patterns or habits that would start to make you feel like probably, you know, you’re not ready of some of things that you have as an individual, you start doubting yourself, you start questioning a lot of things or you start developing some of the negative things, especially having like negative internal dialogues within yourself. So that’s one area that I needed to start working on to say, this is not really who I am.

[00:03:23] I’m a very positive person. Whatever that has happened does not necessarily need to change. My core essence of my being. And in order to be able to start reclaiming my voice and I needed to tap to somebody that would be able to help me to channel my energies in the right direction. In terms of understanding what are some of those deep rooted seeds that probably I have allowed to infiltrate my thinking, the way I view myself you know, and how that is impacting me as an individual.

[00:03:54] Hence, I decided to reach out to you. And when I saw your advert really I think I was just drawn to that and said, okay, let me just reach out to Christy and hear what she has to say when I had a call with you. It really what we discussed, it really resonated with I actually wanted to achieve and what I had invested my life or to be going forward.

[00:04:15] So I was really content about our first call and also the journey that we are currently in.

[00:04:22] Christy Rutherford: So talk to us about losing yourself, right? So it’s not necessarily this podcast isn’t necessarily about working with me, although I’m awesome. It’s really about giving women insight on the journey of where they are right now and where they can be.

[00:04:38] And the way that I want to use this platform is a lot of women feel trapped in their misery. Or we think that we’re too old to change, or this is the way that it’s going to be, and I’m going to die here. So my hope with interviewing you and, other people that I’ve worked with, and some of the other guests that I have is to say it is never too late to change.

[00:05:01] So talk to the ladies a little bit about, how is never too late to change, but what was that? Was it one thing that said, you know what I need to change right now? Or was it a series of things that led up to that one? Or to the phone call?

[00:05:17] Thuli Selepe: I would say it was more like a series of things that has happened, but it was more or less similar pattern because what I would experience around, because it is something that I really struggle with was like self doubt.

[00:05:30] You know was one of the things that I really struggled and which in the past, I thought something that I had really dealt with and I have overcome, but I don’t know whether being in a new environment when I relocated to the U.S, I started, you know, feeling that sense of self doubt of, am I doing the right thing?

[00:05:48] You know, particularly when it comes to my profession as well. And if I commit a mistake, I would tend to bash myself and be too self critical about myself and start also, you know, overthink some of the decisions that I was taking, you know, really not trusting some of the decisions that I was making as well.

[00:06:06] And because of that, I could see that this is now becoming a cycle, you know, and I’m really becoming demotivated and unhappy as well, you know, as an individual. And I wanted to see what is it that I can do in order to change that current state so that I can be able to reclaim my voice.

[00:06:25] Gain into a self of paving that confidence. If I make decisions, I would be, you know, being proud of those decisions that I have taken and without having any regrets or doubt. And one other thing that I really wanted to probably, I felt that was also lacking. It’s the honesty and not being true to myself, you know?

[00:06:49] So I wanted to ensure that I’m more transparent so that, you know, people can clearly see who I am. And so that when I can also show up, I’m able to show up being authentically me and not trying to mimic other people and also not try to get a sense of validation because that’s one other area that I struggled with.

[00:07:10] I wanted, you know, to be accepted, I wanted to be approved and, people’s opinion mattered over in above what I viewed as important things for myself. So I wanted to make sure that I’m able to liberate myself. I’m able to reclaim my voice. I’m able to not take people’s affirmation and validation as being a true reflection of who I am and, just being my own cheerleader, you know, being my own cheerleader and, celebrate me as well.

[00:07:46] So that’s one area that propelled me to seek you know your guidance as well to say, how do I navigate this process? How do I really achieve that objective of really being able to be my authentic self and be able to speak up.

[00:08:04] Christy Rutherford: You know, as interesting as you were talking, when people’s opinions matter you’re losing sight of what you really want. Women are conditioned apparently in South Africa as well to be people pleasers, which is huge here in the U.S. And your new environment, because you left South Africa and you came to the U.S. So a new environment only exasperated what you weren’t taking care of.

[00:08:27] So I think about when I left my career and I got this cary cray boss, my forest was already on fire. So he just really threw lighter fluid on a problem that was happening. And so I was gonna look forward, but I think we’ll just move forward. I read an article very recently. I talked about, it was a Dean at a prestigious university from South Africa.

[00:08:51] She resigned because she wasn’t ready for the resistance that she met in her new environment. And then I wrote, she should have called me and I wasn’t saying it arrogantly, but I was saying it because she wasn’t prepared to manage the new environment. And this rolls right into a lot of women wanna be promoted and they wanna get raises and they wanna get to the next level.

[00:09:15] But until you do the work on this level, if you’re unraveling on this level, the next level is really going to make you go splat. So what are your thoughts on that?

[00:09:26] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. That’s true because sometimes we, as women, we may really aspire to take leadership positions as well.

[00:09:34] But I think sometimes when we are faced with a lot of a position and also not understanding how to navigate some of those political dynamics within the organization and how to make your voice heard in those spaces, it becomes difficult for you to be able to sustain yourself in that particular environment.

[00:09:56] And I think also one other thing that we tend to struggle with, I would say myself as well, is that as women, we tend to want to be validated. And we have the belief that in order for us to be seen, we have to prove ourselves to show that, you know, I deserve to be in this particular role and that’s how we want to earn that respect.

[00:10:19] And when we don’t get that validation and we don’t get that respect, we tend to doubt our capability. And I think now, with us going deeper and understanding really what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? How can I pass this barrier of trying to please people of trying to prove myself, but how can I make sure that I’m able to display my talents in a manner that is.

[00:10:47] You know, with humility, but also being able to showcase, you know, what I can offer without me trying to compete, maybe with some of my male counterparts or some of the womens that are probably ahead of me in that career journey, but how can I just draw on my own strength in order to be able to showcase and be authentic and showing what I can offer and bring it forward.

[00:11:13] So I think that’s one thing that I would say maybe as women, we need to really understand who we are and what we can offer and really not doubt ourself, even if, you know, we would commit mistake, but we understand that you can learn from those mistakes and move forward. So that’s what I would like to encourage a lot of women that it’s not the end of the world if you commit mistakes. And it’s a learning curve, all of us will learn from there and we have to move on.

[00:11:36] Christy Rutherford: I love it. I love it. Like I think about office politics. And I say, I assist women with getting promoted through office politics and self care. Really it starts with the self care because once you become rooted from within, you’re able to play the politics and you’re not even playing politics.

[00:11:53] You’re just showing up to be who you are. You’re playing politics when you’re trying to people please, or you’re shrinking, or you’re distorting your energy to make somebody to like you or you have these psychological mind games that are going on like, I don’t know if this woman wants to compete with me.

[00:12:08] I don’t know how I’m gonna show up. I’m gonna go into this meeting. I don’t know what they’re gonna think of me. Do they like me? Am I being arrogant? You know? So once you just become rooted in becoming comfortable with who you are, you’re the same person, no matter which room that you’re in.

[00:12:24] Thuli Selepe: Yep. True. That’s so profound, I like that. Just be who you are, irrespective of the room, irrespective of the table that you sit in, because I think people want to see you originally or your authenticity in how you handle them in how you deal with issues. They’re not really interested in you being, I would say, you know, a lioness or being aggressive or being no, they’re not interested in that, you know? Yeah.

[00:12:53] Christy Rutherford: So a lot of people talk about authenticity and it’s until you get back to who you are, it’s not even who you were. A lot of people will truly think that I need to discover myself. And I say, you don’t need to discover yourself. You need to remember who you used to be before life put you in the headlock.

[00:13:16]Tell the ladies what are one or two things that you did that made the biggest shift in your life?

[00:13:23] Thuli Selepe: Mm-hmm yeah, I think, you know, starting the journey of really remembering, as you saying, not really discovering myself of remembering who Thuli is. I had to really do a deep dive and I think I like your program Christy, because it’s not something that is you just do at the surface, but it’s…

[00:13:45] Christy Rutherford: Not shallow. No, it’s not shallow. No, we’re not playing.

[00:13:47] Thuli Selepe: Yeah, no, it’s not shallow. And you know, when you get into a program, you are thinking, oh my gosh, this is just gonna be an easy peasy thing that I will just do and, get away with it. And then when you start really taking that deep dive, you really discover that this is something really that it’s so core to your being and the spirituality as well.

[00:14:12] That is inter linked with the programs for me. It’s so resonated with me because I’m very spiritual. So when I get some of the materials that really had to reinforce the principles that I have learned around my faith and to say, how does that also shape my being as well.

[00:14:34] So I think your problem in terms of how it helps you to just do that digging, understand what are some of the seeds that you have allowed to gather some of the weeds that have drowned your positive seeds, how do you then redirect those seeds so that they can come out and flourish and that you can be able to show up truly as yourself.

[00:14:58] And hence you say being as authentically you, as you say, but I think, it goes beyond that because we’re talking about something that has been probably those things that you have forgotten, some of the things that your greatness, the great attributes that you have that you have sort of forgotten about and, how you were able to reach some of your goals and how you were able to impact some of the people around you, because of some of those attributes that you have.

[00:15:26] And I think your program has helped me to be able to really regain a sense of who I am through just doing that deep dive or digging. Those weeds that were really suffocating and killing my positive seeds.

[00:15:43] Christy Rutherford: You talked a little bit about the spirituality piece, and there are a lot of women who feel disconnected from the creator, whatever you wanna call it, universe, God, the creator, whatever.

[00:15:56] But a lot of people feel disconnected from the Supreme being or the source, because they’re really disconnected from themselves. Does that make sense? And so once you’re able to get reconnected with Thuli, then you feel the grace that was always available to you. He would never leave you nor forsake you. He never left you, you left you. Woo!

[00:16:23] Thuli Selepe: And that is so true because as soon as you lose yourself, I think we understand that you know the kingdom of God, you know, we are the kingdom of God. We are God ourselves. So once we start losing who we are, we really get disconnected to our maker or our creator, or what do they call, you know, but to me, that’s my God.

[00:16:50] So once I disconnected with my God and I started losing myself now, because I started forgetting who he really says I am, you know, and once I started gaining that that faith of saying, okay, I understand. Yes. Maybe I might have been shaken by these things, but I was not supposed to be shaken by those things because I need to understand that He is always been there and He will remain being my center as well in my source.

[00:17:17] Christy Rutherford: I say God as well. So I’m not the person to be like, well, you know, you can call them whatever you want to, but you can, right? Because a lot of people, people are fighting for the same word, but we won’t go into that on this show. So you talked about being in tune with God. And I wanted to wrap that back around is when you lose yourself, you lose the connection and it’s the perceived connection.

[00:17:45] And then there’s also a difference Thuli between we know what the scripture says and then actually living it, people quote scripture all day. But have you become the scripture? So what have you learned through your journey of the things that you used to say, now the things that you are?

[00:18:06] Thuli Selepe: And that’s one of you just highlighted one of the critical aspects really like, you know, we would say that we are really, we know our foundation, we know the scriptures, but to actually live the scriptures and also to understand what’s the meaning of those scriptures as well or what they mean to us and what they mean to those people around us as well. It might be a different story.

[00:18:31] But I think as you start really looking at yourself as you start digging deeper. And I think the materials that, you know, we have had an opportunity to review through the program as well. You know, a lot of the materials that you know, form part of the program are more centered around some of the great people or writers as well who had their foundations as well.

[00:19:02] You know, through the biblical principles as well and how they have used those principle to harness their lives so that they can be at their level best or to take them to the next level of their lives. And I think, in absorbing those learnings from them, it has also helped me to get a better perspective, really of understanding the scriptures and be able to live some of those scriptures as well.

[00:19:28] And I think I want to just touch on one of the significant things that for me. I have struggled with, I would say, yes, we understand that the Lord said, we must forgive, you know, forgive, we must forgive those who hurt us and so forth.

[00:19:42] And I would say, okay, I have forgiven. You know, in my mind, I’ve told myself I have forgiven, you know, I’ve moved on I don’t have to be worrying, I’m content. But I think I was just saying that I have forgiven, but in actual fact deep down or subconsciously that transformation has not really taken place.

[00:20:07] And I think during the program, when we were going deeper and trying to deal with some of those underlying factors that maybe are sort of impacting one to fully really explore the forgiveness. That one is purporting to be saying, I have really achieved. So when we started doing it, I understood really that, you know, I have the power, the power really of forgiveness lies with me.

[00:20:33] And if I forgive without expecting anything in return, that’s not necessarily going to help me, not going to help me, but instead it’s going to help and liberate me and heal me because I’m doing that out of my call in understanding and, fully say, I forgive you no matter what, whether you’ll give me or get an apology from you.

[00:20:59] Or whether you reciprocate that forgiveness back, it really doesn’t matter. I’m doing what is right. And as they always say that if you don’t forgive it’s like you’re taking a poison on a daily basis, it does kill you. But I think with this journey of mine, that was one of the huge transformation of really allowing myself to truly, truly, truly forgive.

[00:21:24] Without expecting anything in return. And I think, that’s what we should always be striving for in life. Just do, you know, being you doing things without any expectations. And I think it frees all of us from any heartaches as well. It just allows us to be the givers that we expect to be, we can freely give love.

[00:21:48] We can free give kindness. We can freely give a smile. We can freely give, you know, all those seeds, those fruits of the spirits that we are supposed to build our life around. You know.

[00:21:59] Christy Rutherford: I love it. When I think about forgiveness. We do a lot of shallow forgiveness where we say it, but we really don’t mean it.

[00:22:06] You be like, I forgive you. I can’t stand you though. Right? Like, or some people say I forgive you, but I’m not gonna forget. I remember when my friend was telling me about the forgiveness book in 2014 or 15 or something like that. And I was like, man, I did that already. I did wrote some stuff down on paper.

[00:22:22] I work with Oprah and I tear it up and then I burn it and I send a smoke out and I say, woosah, woosah, woosah. You know, so I’ve done the forgiveness rituals. I’ve been on the mounted in glacier valley, British Columbia with an Indian chief that they’re like beating the drums and they got the incense and we’re doing forgiveness.

[00:22:44] Like I’ve done a lot. And still there are different levels to it. So going to you when you finally forgave, which it wasn’t easy where I was like, you need to forgive somebody and you were looking at me like, Hey, there, ain’t no way I’m not doing it. And I was digging in on you.

[00:23:02] I am a person who holds high team achieving women accountable. I’m not gonna let you leave my care without being changed. And however you wanna call it WWF. I’m gonna wrestle you down or I’m gonna grind on you until you do, because what I wanted and what I said was, I want you to forgive, because I want you to see who you are on the other side of it.

[00:23:26] Talk to us about that process of when. You know, I talked about it and there was immediate rejection, but then on the other side of it, two weeks later, you came in looking 10, 15 years younger. We all noticed like, and now we call you Thuli buttons. Like Thuli, two weeks, 20 years in the face in like two months all through forgiveness.

[00:23:53] What has the impact been for you in your life? Just by forgiving.

[00:23:59] Thuli Selepe: It has been huge. It has been huge. And I must say it was not an easy task because I remember the session that we had. It was, you know, I think we had about four ladies on the call and was just, yeah, I felt like I was going crazy.

[00:24:13] And I remember leaving that call feeling that, oh my gosh, what did I just sign up for? But I must say the encouragement. I think that’s one other thing that I need to really commend the program and say, you know, you get to interact with really women from diverse walks of life as well.

[00:24:40] And the support structure, it’s so great that, you know, you’re not in a place where you’ll be judged, but you’re in a place where you have other women that listen, and, also share some of their experiences and also share some of the in part really great, great advice, which is something that I really took on that night.

[00:24:59] And from your end, just being firm, you know, to say, you know, you have to do this, unfortunately, you don’t have an option in this instance, you have to do it because if you don’t, there’s no option. , there’s no option. You have to do it. You have to, you know, because if you don’t, then you are sort of derailing your progress and your breakthrough, your breakthrough as well.

[00:25:21] So for me, that message hit really home. And I remember you even sent me a text message post to just to encourage me as well and to say, but I’m giving you a timeline, you know, when we convene again, I want hear that you have really.

[00:25:41] Christy Rutherford: I want to hear that.

[00:25:46] Thuli Selepe: Have you check the steps. And then from then on it’s really, I also deliberate on what should I deal it? Should I not? But I just had to take it on my side. And confront the child that was before me as well. And I decided to forgive, you know, send a text and just say, you know what I just forgive you and no explanations in terms of what are the reasons and so forth was just I forgive you.

[00:26:13] And that was it. And I must say, on that day I say that I just felt that really a lot of weight off my shoulders and I felt so, so, so free and liberated in that. Sometimes we tend to make small things. You know, you create them so, so huge. And I think that’s also what sometimes do tend to impact our lives as well in a lot of areas as well, because we are looking at these tiny things and just inflate them to be bigger or something that we cannot confront.

[00:26:55] I just felt, oh my God, I could have done this a long time ago, but I think what was stopping me, is it pride? Which is true, which was pride as well. And I’m not gonna do it because somebody has not really apologized, but it is really important that important that really I’m willing to lose myself and lose who I am because I cannot forgive.

[00:27:17] So it’s not an easy thing, but I think sometimes you need to get that push. Once you have that push and you really overcome whatever their resentment or their resistance of you really forgiving. You are able to see a different perspective about people, about yourself as well. Yeah. I’ve seen quite a change and a lot of people, they say I look young, so I say.

[00:27:43] Christy Rutherford: You do.

[00:27:44] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. I look like a teen now, I say, okay, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And that’s a blessing and that’s a breakthrough from just being able release some of those toxins that you tend to Harbor because of their resentment because of the bitterness. And these are some of the things probably that you are not aware of.

[00:28:05] Or we do read about them. We do hear people, you know, being briefed or say in a lot of platforms, how those things tend to impact you. But I think once you are faced with a particular situation that really requires you to do that. That’s when you draw the lessons.

[00:28:26] Christy Rutherford: I love it. I love how you’re looking at it now, because that night, when we were talking about it, you were burning hole.

[00:28:33] I never forget you was burning a hole like. You was like, nah, your fingers was tight and your eyes was tight. You were like, I can’t stand you right now. Like you were just like, ain’t no way I’m not doing it. We were laughing, not laughing at you, but when you could see yourself and your resistance, and so it is hard to look at yourself in the mirror.

[00:28:53] But when you have people who lovingly support you right on the other side of it. but that night, that was the biggest mountain. So I talked about how the scripture says, if you tell that mountain to throw itself into the sea, it shall be done unto you. So that issue was such a mounted. And now you’re saying it’s such a small thing, right?

[00:29:14] It was so little once you got over it, and then you look back, you’re like, I can’t believe, I thought that this was the biggest mountain ever. And that was a pebble, but now looking at all your other challenges are now small as well, because you got past the thing that you thought would kill you.

[00:29:33] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. Just taking a step.

[00:29:36] Christy Rutherford: So tell the ladies how you feel after the, you know, because the forgiveness piece, like there are certain components in everybody’s process where one or two things really, and it’s your individual thing that’s gonna set you free. But when you forgave, you came like, you know, you glow in like a ghost stick, you know, you initially look 15 years younger immediately.

[00:29:58]Everybody was like, oh my God. And then it’s 20 years. And now today we’re like 25. So Thuli is now like 21. But how has your quality of life changed after forgiving?

[00:30:11] Thuli Selepe: It has changed immensely. I must say, it has changed in terms of how I view life and how I really interact with people around me as well.

[00:30:21] And I think some of the things that maybe would offend me now, I look at them and say, oh my gosh, I know I would be offended by this. And I would react probably in a very different manner, but when some of those things happen, I just laugh at those and really move forward without letting those things to really impact me as well.

[00:30:46] So I think in terms of just being you know, self-awareness, that forgiveness has helped me as well to sort of gain a more self awareness of some of the things that maybe I’m more aware of that maybe happen around me being with my family, my kids, how I engage with them as well.

[00:31:06] How I try as well to be less. I like to have control over things and also control over them, but I’m just learning to allow them to be who they are and not to really try to be too controlling as well. So I think for me, the forgiveness has helped me in that way that I’m really trying to inculcate a really different habits particularly in my life that will ensure that I still have that calmness and peace and in peace that I had, you know, I would normally exude in my life. So I’ve tried to build on some self care practices as well, meditation as well. I’ve tried to build some of those also inculcating my spirituality on a daily conversations as well.

[00:31:55] So I’ve tried some of those habits just to try and make sure that I enhance my quality of life. I think one of the things that has also shaped me as well, you know, through forgiveness was just being decisive. If I being decisive in being intentional about if I wanna do something, really, I don’t want to be overthinking about it.

[00:32:16] I just have to make a decision and to live with that decision without any regrets, because that’s something that I really struggle with before embark on this journey. So that’s one of the things that I’m trying to really deal with. Stop overthinking, be decisive and being intentional in your decisions and don’t regret take everything as a learning care and just move forward and, and don’t really Harbor any regrets afterwards.

[00:32:43] So that’s how my quality of life has improved just by instilling those habits being self-aware, you know, self-awareness has been critical just embedding like meditation as well. Also, you know, Having that spiritual Play daily planner as part of my daily routine, I’ve joined the gym, but I’m still trying, you know, we still trying to make sure that we get there, but I do some like Minor stretches there and there, which is something that I do at least, even if it’s twice a week.

[00:33:14] But I think that’s one thing that I was really happy about because we’ve been joining the gym. We just, I did not even think about it. I thought about it, say, okay, we’re going to join the gym this weekend. And we went on and signed up for the gym. So, which was something great. And it’s something that is also I’ve done, which is something that I would not have done, you know, but that’s something.

[00:33:36] It’s really special to me that also was something that is out of the box. And I would think of myself, you know, in prior years or prior, because I’m very conservative. I would not have thought of taking that leap of faith. So my life has really changed post forgiveness. I’m just, you know, like living life as it is today.

[00:33:58] And I like this motto that says “All we have is now”. All we have is now we don’t have any other time, you know, so I’m trying to really capitalize and maximize on the present moment as possible as I can.

[00:34:13] Christy Rutherford: I love it. You touched on something that was so good. And I think it’s a challenge that a lot of women have in the workplace is once you we’re able to forgive. Right. And just let baggage go. Really that’s what it’s about. It’s letting go stuff that happened in the past that you’re carrying with you into every day, when you could be offended by what people say to you is because you’re holding onto offense. Like if you’re holding onto the baggage of offense and to the thoughts of offense.

[00:34:44] Yeah. Everybody’s going to be able to trigger you because you are in pain and they’re just adding to your pain. And when you let that stuff go and people say stuff, you just kind of look at them and you are like, yeah, you’re not as offended, which is shocking to yourself. Cause you’re like, wait a minute, wait, I didn’t get mad.

[00:35:03] You know, they didn’t, I’m confused cuz I would’ve set it off a month ago and now I’m like, I don’t care. A lot of women are creating their own barriers. I would say to senior leadership because by the time you become a senior leader you carry so much baggage. That you’re gonna set it off at any moment.

[00:35:23] Give the ladies a little bit more of a deep dive into whenever you let go of the spirit of offense because you forgave now, you’re just, and I made that connection seeking more ways to feel good.

[00:35:37] Thuli Selepe: That is true because I think when you really live on offenses. It just makes you a horrible person as well. And you really become far removed from who you are as an individual. So I think now, I laugh because when somebody offends me, I just look at them and say, okay, I don’t know what drove them to do what they do.

[00:36:09] Christy Rutherford: They’re having a bad day.

[00:36:10] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. I don’t want to pay a lot of attention to what they have done, but I think what I’m just trying to do is just protect my spirit.

[00:36:23] I don’t want to, you know, to allow anything that is really going to contaminate my spirit and take me back to where I was before. And I think it’s also it’s time, you know, once you allow time to heal you, it helps you a lot to be able to deal with some of those challenges as well.

[00:36:45] That as an individual, you sometimes be prone to and also just your self awareness. I think for me, that self awareness really of saying, I don’t have to be bored by what they are doing. Is this really important? How does this affect me in a way? Does it really change who I am?

[00:37:03] It doesn’t, you know, and sometimes, once you start looking at things in that manner, it freezes you as an individual because you really understand that my happiness is not really dependent on somebody else. How they treat me is not a reflection of who I am, but is a reflection of who they are as an individual, you know?

[00:37:21] So I don’t have to really paying attention to those. And I’m not saying in any very ignorant manner, that people would really take you for granted, but I think sometimes we really have to be vigilant because people can be really intentional in how they want to make you feel. And intentional in how they want you to react in those things so that they can go back and say, I’ve done this, you know, I’ve got that individual, you know, look at her and now she’s mad and all of those things, but really it’s understanding that we have the power.

[00:37:52] You know, of controlling those things. We don’t have to be controlled by some of the external things that really we experience and that takes time. It comes with time and it comes with understanding yourself and learning. You know, what are some of the tools that you can employ in order for you to be able to really counteract those actions.

[00:38:10] Christy Rutherford: Yeah, we know, we hear the saying that hurting people hurt people. And Eckhart Tolle calls it pain bodies. So if I’m in pain and I’m mad, I’m going to come now inflict pain on you. So now we can have shared pain. So, and this can be people who are at work, but it also works with friends Thuli, where I’m having a great day.

[00:38:32] And then you call me. And then we started talking about our shared dysfunction and our shared trauma. Now we both miserable when you talk about the self-awareness and I wrote down, when you find joy, you don’t wanna let it go. You’re like, you know what? I finally tapped into a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long, long time. There is no way I’m gonna give it up.

[00:38:56] I don’t care what happens. I always say, do I have to come down off my unicorn? To address this issue, right? Cause I ride unicorns and if I got to get off my unicorn to come and address it, it’s not worth it for me. You’ll be like this. We just gonna ride on by and we’re just gonna see what happens.

[00:39:11] So, tell the ladies you’re guarding your spirit and you’re guarding your joy. What other things do you wanna add to that? Cuz I know you got something to say.

[00:39:22] Thuli Selepe: Yeah. So I’m guiding my spirit. I’m guiding my joy. I’m guiding my peace of mind as well.

[00:39:27] Christy Rutherford: You said time heals. And I was thinking to myself too, it’s only been three months. So do you, or did you think that it was possible to change this much whenever, but then this much in three months, it’s only been three months.

[00:39:49] Thuli Selepe: Yeah, no, I thought it was really, I couldn’t think that, you know, within three months I would see such a huge change I must say. But I think because of how the program is structured, you know, because the first eight weeks you are really just doing a deep dive. Going back, you know, what are some of the core or underlying issues that you are struggling with and just pivot into other areas as well of your life and, because of that holistic approach that’s why the results have been so eminent within a period of three months.

[00:40:26] And hence I’m saying time heals, but I think probably that’s one area that I needed deal with, there are other areas that I still need to tackle, which, you know, over time I would also be able to see some of the positive results as well, but I must say within this three months, really there’s been an immense change that I have.

[00:40:46] I’ve observed with myself and how I tackle stuff I’m more calm. I’m more at peace. I’m no longer like frightening and overthinking. I’m more relaxed, you know, which is what I used to be. But I think just, you know, the new environment has sort of Shaken me a bit, but I’m more content now.

[00:41:04] And I’m really taking it one day at a time. And then living for the moment. Yeah. Which hands up saying I’m healed, but there’s quite a lot of things that I still need to overcome, but for now within the three months, I’m happy with the results.

[00:41:24] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Spirit understands. We’re never really done until we’re done until we expire. When you were talking about you’re at peace I’m content. I have joy we’re in 2020. The year of, everybody’s going crazy. And I tell people all the time, my clients are chilling. Like, so what’s the difference between where you are and how you see other people are responding in the world.

[00:41:54]What would you say is the biggest difference?

[00:41:56] Thuli Selepe: I think the biggest difference which some of us, we really struggle with I think with this time that we currently living in, which has sort of a lot of uncertainty a lot of fear as well. You know, a lot of people because they don’t know what tomorrow holds for them as well.

[00:42:14] And there’s really a lot of fear around there. I think that’s what we are witnessing during this year of 2020 as well. But I think. From my end, just having the faith, you know and, trust that, you know, this is not permanent, you know, whatever that we’ve gone through, it’s not permanent.

[00:42:34] It will pass as well. And I think it also boils down to to your faith, you know, to your faith as well. That grounds you to understand that there’s a bigger power that is protecting us. And we may not understand what is happening, but He knows, and He has the solutions for us.

[00:42:58] And I think once we understand that as people that we are not our own making, but there’s something that is bigger than us that is really in control. Then we learn to surrender and we learn to trust, you know, to give all to God to say, you know, just take control and, and we trust you and you lead us.

[00:43:22] So from my I think from my end, just having that perspective, and that has sort of helped me in navigating this difficult period that we currently, and I think also it was a blessing as well for us, because probably if it had not happened, I would not have had this opportunity really of engaging with you Christy and meeting you as well, you know?

[00:43:45] So it was a blessing that we had to experience or go through this period so that some of us, we can also be able to start getting back to remembering who we are remembering what are some of the things that really create or make us as well. How can we build on that so that we can have more energy and strength to face the future? Or you know, what lies ahead of us? So. It has been a blessing, I must say.

[00:44:13] Christy Rutherford: So I know we gotta close cuz you gotta go. But whenever, when I think about how crazy this year is, if you are rooted, you are able to get rooted or I would say greater rooted in your faith in your spirituality because you became more rooted in yourself.

[00:44:31] And so a lot of people are having challenges with what’s going on in the outside world. But when you have peace within the outside world, you’re like, well, wherever God takes me, I’m gonna go. But it’s hard to do that unless you get rooted back into who you are and just be silent and throw your hands up and be like, if this happens, I know it’s over to work out.

[00:44:49] It all works together for my good, and you start to believe. Thuli, what you’ve actually been saying. And you can like own it and stand it. Be like this. No, everything works together for my good, like what’s gonna happen. I don’t know but it’s gonna be great. You got fired. Well, I know he got something better around the corner.

[00:45:04] So any last 32nd word that you have for the ladies?

[00:45:08] Thuli Selepe: Yeah, I think what I can just say to the ladies, I think really let’s own our power. Let’s understand that we have seeds of greatness within us and let’s not allow other people to define or, you know, to define us and tell us who we are.

[00:45:23] And Let’s just start celebrating our wins, whether small or big wins, let’s be our own cheerleaders. And that that’s something that I’ve struggled with, but I think once you start being your own cheerleader and you start liberating yourself as well, mentally your mind and soul as well be who we are and do us and not other people.

[00:45:47] Christy Rutherford: All right. Thuli buttons. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for showing up for the interview. Thank you for the insight that you shared. I know that you know, millions of people are gonna be touched by this, so thank you so much. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.

[00:45:59] Thuli Selepe: See you Soon.

[00:45:59] Christy Rutherford: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review if you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don’t forget to get her free gift by texting “changenow” all one word. Again, “changenow to 66866. Until next time go out and win bigger.

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